Do you sing? What color are your eyes? What do stars taste like? How quiet was it before you made us? I just want to get to know you better. This can be like a speed-dating round, you know, except I’ll do all the talking, I guess. I’m eating Wendy’s right now and sitting in a parking lot. I just figured, if I was gonna talk to myself, I’d talk to you, too. Are you lonely? I know there are over six billion of us to talk to, but are you lonely? I listen for you, sometimes, to see if you’re asking for anyone, but I can’t hear anything. Maybe you’re just not talking to me. That’s okay.
I have some theories about your son. I wonder where he is, and why he hasn’t come back. My first theory is because you still haven’t forgiven yourself for what happened to him, so you’ve devoted your eternity to tending to his wounds. That’s beautiful, if so. I hope you two are happy. My second theory, is that he’s been here all along, in different bodies and different parts of the world. Maybe he’s got a garden in London somewhere, and he doesn’t have a lot of friends, except for a few, who notice the pure white light in his eyes, but shrug it off and blame it on the sun. Sometimes, I wonder if I’ve met him by accident. Maybe I brushed past him on the bus, or pressed my hand into his back while trying to squeeze through a crowd. I don’t think so, though. I think I would have felt that kind of heaven in my hands. I think I would have noticed.
Are you scared of us? Are you ashamed? I’m not accusing, I’m just curious. Did you plan for this? I mean, some of us are terrible. Some of us are just wicked to the core, and I don’t understand how you can love them like you love everyone. I think about how your son turned his cheek for angry hands, and I can’t imagine. I am shaking with rage at the thought of letting someone do that to me. Forgiveness is powerful, I know that, but so is smashing things and setting people straight. I’m just so angry, sometimes. I don’t know what to do with the hate, because it tastes so bad, but it burns if I spit it out. Do you feel anger? You must. I mean, you have to. There are so many of us who have destroyed you, used you, manipulated you, forged your face and worn your clothes. What do you do with it? Lightning? Are you the thunder? I guess it isn’t angels bowling, but wouldn’t that be cool. My memories of you smell like old wood and the smoke from candles. I looked for you in church on Sundays, and briefly wondered if that was your light in the stained glass windows. Can I be honest? I only believe in you sometimes. One time, I was on the verge of a panic attack and crying into my pillow, so I started talking (praying) to you. I don’t remember what I said, but when I was finished, the bees left my stomach, and I felt clean. I fell asleep sighing. I believed in you then, I really did. I could almost feel you.
Some days, you’re all I look for. Some days, I can’t conjure your name for the life of me. Please don’t be mad, I’m just being truthful.
I think I miss you. I think people have ruined you. I think I’m a little afraid of you. I think you’ll forgive me.
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Will you be a prayer warrior, with me and for me, as I will promise to be with you? Will you desire to lead a home based on His Word and love and grace? Will you lead our children in a lifestyle of honor and respect, teaching them what’s important through your own actions as a leader of our…
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Living life together
As always, it’s been a while since I last blogged but wow. All I can say is… wow. God has been moving and working in my life so much that I am actually noticing lol I say that because He is ALWAYS moving and working in us but we are usually way too busy to notice. We tend to just be negative and focus on the things that we think He’s not answering. A few weeks ago I began working on staff for my Church & I feel so blessed to be part of such an amazing team and Church that is full of God loving, God fearing people. Words cannot express my feelings, so I will jut smile. I actually can’t help but smile even as I write this. At any rate.. I had an amazing weekend spent in San Antonio with the Production staff from my Church and I had a chance to get to know everyone on a deeper level and I got to learn about the Church history etc. It was a wonderful experience and I was honored to be part of this ministry already but I left the weekend with an even bigger respect for those I work with and for the overall Church. I can’t wait to see what the next few years have in store for all of us. I pray that God use us to help glorify and grow His Kingdom, He is and will remain our top priority and we’re completely okay with that I had a lot of time to pray & reflect this weekend and today we had a baptism service in which I got to watch two of my very dear friends JJ & Vanessa Rodriguez take their next step in getting baptized, I was overwhelmed with joy & excitement for them. It’s so beautiful to see people taking that step in publicly declaring that Jesus Christ is their Lord & Savior. MAN, I find myself in awe of God all the time. His grace is unending & constantly flowing in our lives, DESPITE our stubbornness and unwillingness to see it. For the past few weeks I have been taking a class called “Spiritual Practices” and this last week we were talking about “growing in awareness” which helped me consciously be more aware of all the times & areas that God is working in my life. If you’re like me & are always busy & “multi-tasking” take a few minutes and just write down what God is doing in your life. Write down how you think He’s working in your life/heart. Have a conversation with Him, He’s a great listener Then today we had Radonna teach our class and she talked about the importance of living life with others.
He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love. (Ephesians 4:16 NLT)
God uses us in each others lives to help us grow. Ever be annoyed with a certain person or a certain type of person? Have you ever stopped to really think about what it is in or about that person that bothers you? Maybe we should point the finger at ourselves and ask God to reveal what it is inside of ourselves that is irritated, maybe we are the ones that need to change! My friend Lauralee always has this mentality and I admire her for it. I want to be purposeful in my relationships and if there is a time when I am aggravated or annoyed I want to try to take a step back and really analyze the situation before I decide to blame someone else for how I’m feeling. So back to the beginning of this blog and my crying. I think that in that moment as I sat in Dairy Queen with a few of my closest friends I looked around at them and just watched them have conversations that were all Christ centered. Each of my friends TRULY loves God & they continually point back to Him. One of my favorite things is to see the joy and the way that people light up when they are talking about something that they are passionate about and I constantly see that light in each of them, it’s the most beautiful thing ever. “I thank my God every time I remember them” Philippians 1:3 Living life together with these individuals has helped me grow tremendously, it’s not always easy and it’s not always fun but they speak truth into my life and they never throw back the bricks that I’ve given them. I couldn’t have ever asked God for a more amazing group of friends, I welcome their opinions and I appreciate their truth (Even though sometimes I don’t want to hear it) I look forward to many more awesome memories and I couldn’t ask for a better group of friends to do live with and to do ministry with. Wow. I love them. #thankful #loved #blessed #amazed
What if we saw everyone as if they are in the middle of a redemption story? The world would change.
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